The Shocking Truth – The Negatives We Teach Our Children Without Meaning To?
We all want the best for our children – all parents do. We do our best to teach and guide them so they will be the best they can be, be healthy, achieve high, have great relationships, and much more. Yet the shocking truth is that most of us are failing our children in one of the most fundamental and foundational ways – we do it in complete ignorance, and without meaning to – after all we all want the best for our children.
If you are a parent reading this then there may be a part of you that is holding her breathe, desperate to know what this is so you can very quickly fix it right, and simultaneously you may be livid that I am even suggesting such an outrageous thing. If you are not a parent then you may have nieces and nephews, be a godparent, be a teacher or be involved in the raising of children at some level either personally or professionally.
For most of you, while growing up you experienced your own challenges and triumphs, and have always been determined that you would do an even better job of parenting with your children than even your own parents did with you. You are not alone in this thinking, I feel that way too.
So what do you want for your children? Do you want them to be strong emotionally and physically, high achieving, loving and happy? Do you want them to genuinely look after themselves so that they can handle anything that life throws at them with ease and balance? Well the list of wants for our children is in fact endless, and endlessly positive I would expect. The thought that they may suffer or experience hardship of any kind is literally unbearable right.
Well I have another question for you first. This one is for you and you alone. We start with you, in order to progress to the points pertaining to your darling children. The question is: What sort of example are YOU setting for them?
My apologies for the capitals, but it is important that I emphasise the point within the question. So I ask again, what example are ‘you’ setting for ‘them’? Do you look after yourselves? Can you truly say you do?
It is a well-known and well accepted fact that every one of us learns some of our deepest ingrained habits, our ways of thinking and being, from our parents. We see, hear and observe the example our parents set from the way they operate, and on a subconscious level we begin to emulate it in the way we live our lives. How often have you heard other people saying ‘I’m (becoming) just like my mother’, or something of that kind? Children growing up take what comes from their parents as absolute truth – as facts. The biggest of these truths is not even what you are saying to them, but what you are demonstrating about how to live, by the way ‘you’ live your life. They learn how to be through watching your behaviour and actions.
So what truths are your children picking up from you about how to operate in life? Are you walking your talk – because if not then there is no one like a child to pick up on that and see past the un-truths. In most cases when you are telling a child to be or do one thing and then doing the opposite yourself, they will spot the difference and the inauthenticity. Their default will subconsciously decide that the truth is what you are ‘doing’ rather than what you are saying, and go with that.
So for example if you are telling your children that they must look after themselves, and you are not looking after yourself, then guess what, they will decide that actually it cannot be that important otherwise why aren’t you doing it too? They will see that in reality ‘your truth’ is to not look after yourself and they will trust in what they see. Remember ‘seeing is believing’. On a subconscious level they will decide that it is not important to look after themselves beyond the level to which you do.
The subconscious level of learning is what eventually becomes their beliefs, habits and patterns for life – these are the foundations from which they live happy and successfully, or the patterns that they can end up struggling to break free of.
So I ask again, in truth and from your example, are your children actually learning to put their own needs last? From your example, are they learning to rush around squeezing in everything and everyone else above themselves? Are your children learning to work, work, and work until they drop? So when you tell them to eat properly, but all the while you are multi-tasking while you grab something quick and rush to eat, or eat their leftovers, do you think they are taking in your words or watching and learning from what you do? The truth is that from your example they will be getting the message to grab and rush eating without paying any attention to what they are eating because it is on the fly.
Using this key overarching principle, if they are putting everyone and everything else ahead of themselves, they will learn ‘not’ to care for themselves and their self-worth will steadily drop day by day and over time. This is the sad truth and it is a fact unfortunately. Of course a child that learns that everything else is more important than themselves is over time going to have lower self-worth, self-value, self-confidence and ultimately self-esteem as well. This is a heart-breaking scenario for any parent.
So if by now, at this point in this article you are feeling disillusioned and a little depressed, I am pleased to say that all is not lost. The great thing about children is that their ability to recover and bounce back is tremendously high and strong. That means if you change your ways and change the example that you are giving them right now (and I’m sure you will agree that there is an urgency about taking action to change this ‘right now’), then it is totally possible to give back your children their future by giving them a new example to model – a brighter, happier future.
The most important thing that a child, or any person for that matter, has is their health and wellbeing. You can show your child what it means to truly look after yourself. How? Well if you have not being doing this properly and let’s not kid ourselves about the truth, there is far too much at stake to lie to ourselves, then we need to take massive action right now. At this point it is important to emphasise that we cannot change what we will not acknowledge and accept as the truth of our current situation. So please take a moment and be honest with yourselves – take stock.
Women quite often put their own health last or even for those who do take actions to look after themselves, they prioritise what their partners and children need, what their bosses or clients need, and so on – even if it means giving something they want or need up. It’s time to do something to show your children what genuinely looking after yourselves really means. And all you need to do is ‘actually look after yourselves’ and recharge your own health and wellbeing batteries to the point that you genuinely feel rejuvenated, rested and nurtured yourselves. All you need is 5 days to make a massively impactful start. How? A perfect way to learn how to this is and make a fantastic difference to yourself is to go to The Goddess Retreat. The Goddess Retreat is designed to destress and help you re-access the lighter, brighter and joyful part of you. It is designed to fill you up with nourishment for your body, mind, soul and spirit. You will leave your family as the person who is tired, and maybe with either worries, irritable and a little stressed – you will return to them just 5 days later visibly feeling happier and healthier, and with a glow that makes them happy too. You will be able to show them the example of what it means to look after yourself. You will then as Ghandi very eloquently said it ‘be the change you want to see in the world’, or in this case ‘be the example you want your children to follow’.
Ladies when you go to The Goddess Retreat you will be led by three incredible women who like you wear many hats in this our modern world. They will expertly guide you and give you tools that you can use and also teach your children on how to look after oneself on multifaceted levels, with all the challenges of this modern world. The Goddess Retreat will take place 22 nd to 26 th September 2016, in Paestum, Italy. You will be taken care of, and all arrangement will be taken care of for your, so that all you have to do is book now as places are very limited. Just imagine 5 or 10 years from now hearing your child say they owe the fact that they feel so great and happy to the example that you set – what is this worth to you? Can you really afford not to do this?
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For more information or to speak to one of the facilitators directly (Marjean, Kurly or Rebecca) Contact us via facebook.